Friday, April 16, 2010


This is Grayson passed out at the CDA park! He was loving the warm sun! We are having so much fun here. Its nice to get away every once and a while. I love that Grayson is getting out and meeting his family and enjoying the fresh air and warm weather.

Saturday, April 10, 2010


How do you motivate someone? .. Without making them want to hate you? How do you get them to understand that you hate what they love? ...Without making them hate you? How can you hate someone you love so much? Why run away when you know its going to be the same when you get back? How can you be so lonely with a house full of people? How do you explain to someone that they just arent good enough? That they arent being what you need? How do you hate what you had, but miss it? Everything seems so far away, so out of reach but it just gets handed to your neighbor? Why doesnt he understand? Why is it so hard for him to comprehend. You say you know, then why are we still not moving forward? Everyday is 10 steps back. Its making what was good terrible. What I liked, unbearable. What I needed, so harming. I want to sleep, but wake up somewhere better. I hate it. I hate you.

Friday, April 9, 2010


Me and Grayson went to a young moms group today with a friend. It was cool, but it made me realize that I am def not ready to put my baby in daycare yet. Maybe I can get away with it for another 6 months.
Ive been trying to keep myself busy the last few days, and Ive been doing that. Only 4 more days til Idaho, and I cant wait! Tomorrow, me and Vanessa are going to visit my aunt Tawnya. She hasnt seen Grayson since he was 2 months old, shes going to be so shocked at how big he has gotten.
Justin and I have been having a hard time being on the same page lately, but he talked to me about it and let me know a few things, and I think were getting there and getting better. I like talking to him about stuff. I love him and like knowing what he thinks about things, or just anything. He makes me happy and im so thankful for him. He could of left when he found out I was pregnant, but he stayed and he stayed because he wanted too. And he loves his son, and that makes me love him even more. Watching those two together just makes my heart smile! Cheesy, I know, but its so true!
Alright, my comp is dying and its getting pretty late so im off for tonight. <3 picture isnt working tonight. I will post two tomorrow then.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Grayson has been such a cranky little boy lately. But he is growing up so fast! We went and saw a friend yesterday and her month old son and man, Grayson is a beast! He even held the baby up on his own! They were talking to each other, laughing with each other and checking each other out, trying to figure out what each other were. It was fun. The first time I took Grayson to see him he totally tried choking the poor baby but this time he was a lot better. He touched his face nicely and played with his toys like a good boy. I never noticed how good my boy is sitting up until yesterday. 6 months have flown by! Hes HALF a year old already! Before I blink my eyes, were going to have to set up his first birthday party, scary! But also very exciting. Justin cant wait to find out how Grayson will be once hes walking and how hell sound when hes talking, haha.
Last night in his sleep, he was laughing so hard! It made me feel so much better. Ive been feeling really iffy about a lot of things lately, but that little laugh just made me feel so much better. I am so thankful for him. Even when hes screaming or yelling :D
Oh and Justin takes his final test of high school tomorrow, then hes finished! Wish him luck, I hope he does good! Hes been working a long time on this. It will be nice to have him around more. Maybe he can find a morning job now, so he can be home in the evenings. Grayson and I would both like that.
Ok, well Im off to do some mommy duties. Bath time, jammies, and cuddling.

oh yeahh.

Today was a pretty good day.
Me and Grayson went to see a friend and her month old baby, it was very cute.
Logan and grayson were talking and laughing back in forth with each other, and grayson didnt try to hurt him like the last time we saw them. On thursday were going to go to her teen mom support group, that should be fun. It would be nice to have people in my real life to talk to. I have my BBC ladies, whom I love to death!! But they are all so far away. I wish I lived down in the states so I could just drive to see all my mommas. That would be amazing!
I bought some tubs for all Graysons baby clothes.. I had to pack them all up! Hes growing up so fast! Now, I just got to figure out when I should start packing. Probably this weekend. Justin bought Grayson a really cute baby duffel bag and I think I might use it as a carry on. Idk..
BUT Grayson WILL not go to sleep so I must go and cuddle my little man. Night!

Sunday, April 4, 2010


I think I may just post a picture of him whenever I post a new blog. This is him right now. :)

Anyways, I havent posted in a few days. But Ive been ok. Today we bought a big fan, yesss! We got Justin a duffel bag for his trip to ID! He even got a baseball tag for it, nerd. We got Grayson some sunscreen, I hope its sunny enough to use it!! Oh, and I bought a summer dress.. but have yet to try it on. Im pretty sure that Justin will laugh at me if I wear it, haha.

Graysons first easter was pretty ok. This moring he got his basket full of "grass" and he tipped it over and pulled all the grass out. I hope I dont find any in his diaper the next few days, Im pretty postitive that he didnt eat any though. Hes getting pretty good at scooting around. Today he was on the floor and he scoots in circles. He hasnt gotten crawling down yet, but im totally ok with that. If he doesnt start crawling soon, Ill be very sad because he has no room to crawl in this house.

Im thinking I may have to go to a garage sale or something when I get to ID to find Grayson a walker or something like that. He likes his. I would bring it with me, but probably wont have room in the suitcase because all of his toys, :]

Well.. I think Im done for the night, Im pretty tired.

Saturday, April 3, 2010


So, heres my little guy as I speak. Yep, its 1 in the morning. He may look happy, but hes not. He skipped nap time today and is being a cranky boy. Its ok though, overall I think I had a pretty good day. I got to get out of the house for a while.

Hung out with the BFF Vanessa, made an appt to get my eyebrows waxes (which neeps to be done so bad, lol) and went to Kohls and spent $18, and saved $50!! WOOHOO! My kind of shopping :) I keep telling myself "Dont buy Grayson anymore clothes for this summer, he has PLENTY!" But I just cant help it! Especially when you walk into a store and they have pants for a buck 70! How do you walk away from that! And he got a new toy.. spoiled baby. He'd much rather play with empty mcdonalds bags, haha!

Oh, and do you see his eye? Probably not very good, but you can kinda see how its kind of gross looking, poor baby. It wont stop oozing and scabbing. He has a dr. apt soon, and it was looked at by someone at the ER and they said oh well, it looks fine.. Well, its not fine that it has actually scabs on it, it looks like it hurts. Oh, and that bottle isnt really nasty, it just has some rice cereal in it, ha.

I dont know what else I want to say today besides that once again, im super excited to be getting away for a while. And Aunt Lisa, we hope to see you too. Gma Mary said that you guys will be going back with her and that you guys should be there still when me and Grayson fly in. It would be cool if you guys got to meet him, hes quite the character already.

Alright well, I think im going to bed now. Heres a picture of him now. :]

Friday, April 2, 2010

still awake.

This happens every night. Ughh.

I get Grayson asleep in his own bed, after cuddling, rocking, humming, and patting him for what seems like forever, then I cant sleep. Justin is asleep also.

My mind wont let me sleep. Half of the time, I dont even know what exactly I am thinking about. All I know is that I am dead tired, and tomorrow I will hate that once again, I stayed up. When nap time comes tomorrow, Im going to hope to nap with him, but of course I wont, Ill want to nap as soon as he wakes up. Just great!

Anyways; Im super excited to be going back to Idaho in 10 days! It is so needed. I couldnt tell you how badly I need this break. Dont get me wrong, I appreciate that she let us stay at her house, but to be perfectly honest, she couldnt give a shit less if i was here or not. All she wants is MY Grayson. If she "accidently" calls herself his mama one more time, I may "accidently" put my fist in her nose. Ok, maybe that wasnt necessary to say outloud, but I feel a little better.

I would be perfectly okay to never step foot in this house again. I wont go into much detail of why I hate it so much here, just know that I do, with all that I have! I dont like that I have to have Grayson here everyday. I know that isnt fair to Justin, but thats how I feel. If I never had to come back here, then I would try my hardest to make it work in Idaho.. But I'll have to come back here because Justin just cant stay away from his mommy. Idk why, but hey, shes not my mom. I'll have to make a note to myself to 'try' and respect that.. yeah.

Enough about living in this craphole, I wanna talk about going to Idaho!!

I want to get out and put Grayson in his stroller and put his little shark sunglasses on him and just walk! I want to watch him as he discovers things outside of these 4 walls. I want to share him with the people I love. I want to laugh and take pictures, and to be able to go to sleep at night knowing that I'll wake up and be able to breathe in some fresh air.

....I want to go to sleep! For real this time, Im off to snuggle my little man.

Who I am.

I guess I should start this whole blogging stuff off by telling a little about myself.
My name is Ashley and Im 19 years old. I have a son who is soon to be 6 months old, and he is the most precious thing I have ever laid my eyes on.

I have yet to graduate high school, but that has nothing to do with Grayson. I was not in school when I got pregnant, and just havent gotten the drive to go back yet. I know, I really need too. Im with a great guy, and his name is Justin. We currently live at his mothers house, but I really hope to be in our own place before Grayson turns one.

I stay at home with the baby, and Justin works. Sometimes I feel bad that he has to get up everyday and work, but I know that he loves Grayson, and that is why he does it. I tried working in December, and failed miserably. I lasted a week, and couldnt do it. I kept thinking about Graysons little face, and called home every chance I could.

I can already feel myself start to ramble. I just have so much to say, but its been so long since I have sat done and written something. I guess we will see where this blog takes me. I

Im off to snuggle my little man :)